{"id":3969,"date":"2010-10-01T15:59:45","date_gmt":"2010-10-01T19:59:45","guid":{"rendered":"\/news_blogs\/john\/?p=3969"},"modified":"2025-01-15T16:53:15","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T21:53:15","slug":"goodbye-dad-it-was-beautiful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/john\/2010\/10\/01\/goodbye-dad-it-was-beautiful\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Goodbye Dad, it was beautiful.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pps-series-post-details pps-series-post-details-variant-classic pps-series-post-details-38706\" data-series-id=\"128\"><div class=\"pps-series-meta-content\"><div class=\"pps-series-meta-text\">This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/series\/dads-passing\/\">Dad&#039;s Passing<\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<p>On Wednesday the 22nd, I <a title=\"Post - Final Reflections: When it is time to go home\" href=\"\/news_blogs\/john\/2010\/09\/22\/final-reflections-when-its-time-to-go-home\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">posted<\/a> about my Dad&#8217;s rapidly deteriorating&nbsp;condition and&nbsp;what we were both&nbsp;thinking about as we faced&nbsp;the prospect of his death within the next few months. I&nbsp;asked you for prayer that his passing would be&nbsp;a peaceful and painless transition from this life to the next. That prayer was answered&nbsp;unexpectedly just two days later when the Lord responded with a magnificent divine orchestration of events that leaves me praising God for his lovingkindness. I feel that&nbsp;I must share his goodness so that&nbsp;you can praise him too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Perfect Last Minutes of Life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Two days later on Friday night (the 24th)\u00a0I suddenly had an overwhelming Spirit-inspired sense of urgency to see him as fast as I could. When my wife came home from grocery shopping, she found me pacing on the sidewalk in front of our house. I said, &#8220;Just drop the cold stuff in the fridge and forget the rest. We&#8217;ve got to see Dad as fast as possible.&#8221; I\u00a0did not know that he would die that night,\u00a0but I&#8217;ve learned to pay attention to feelings like this! I took some things with me to show Dad what I had found while cleaning out his house. We arrived at 7:30 and he died at 8:15. But what happened in that 45 minutes is unforgettable, and it gave me the peace that is sustaining me in my grief. From 7:30 to 8:00,\u00a0as he lay in bed, I<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>read two letters written to\u00a0Dad by his parents in 1950 and a love letter from Mom;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>showed\u00a0Dad the program from a music recital\u00a0in 1905\u00a0in which\u00a0his father sang a solo; and<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>looked at some pictures he took of Mom while they were dating and a few\u00a0other pictures he took\u00a0of his mom, dad, and grandmother.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Dad smiled and chuckled as he listened and looked at all these items, and I heard many &#8220;My, my, mys&#8221; and other approving comments from him. He lingered over the pictures, held the letters to see his parents&#8217; signatures, and gazed at his father&#8217;s name <em>(&#8220;Master Alfred Pellowe&#8221;)<\/em> in the program. Then my daughter Jessica called at 8:00 from Bangkok, where she is serving in a Christian school for two years. She told Dad she loves him. Dad was so touched that she had called all the way from Thailand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Next&nbsp;I assured&nbsp;Dad that his wishes would be carried out after he was gone. I reminded him of the &#8220;No heroic measures&#8221; provision of his <em>Power of Attorney for Personal Care<\/em>, and his wishes as far as his funeral and burial are concerned. He said they were all still what he wanted. I mentioned a person whom Dad had said&nbsp;years ago&nbsp;he wanted to officiate at the memorial service, and he said he still wanted him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then I was suddenly inspired to pray for him, and I asked if that would be okay. He said &#8220;Yes, John, I&#8217;d like that&#8221; and folded his hands. I don&#8217;t think I have ever prayed for Dad out loud in front of Dad before. He&#8217;s heard me pray a lot, but not like this. I prayed that Jesus would be his comfort, give him peace, help him&nbsp;feel the fullness of Christ&#8217;s love for him, and that Jesus would take care of him. Dad said &#8220;Amen,&#8221; and that turned out to be his last word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dad&nbsp;started to cough and according to the doctor, ruptured a tumor in his chest that poured blood into his lungs. I used the phone to call for&nbsp;help right away, and then held Dad up from his pillow, thinking this might help him. He was gone very quickly. I could not have scripted a better 45 minutes as Dad&#8217;s last 45 minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am completely at peace about Dad because of how this last visit went, and because I know (as described in my <a title=\"Post - Final Reflections: When it is time to go home\" href=\"\/news_blogs\/john\/2010\/09\/22\/final-reflections-when-its-time-to-go-home\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">previous post<\/a>) how satisfied Dad was with his own life and the lives of his children and grandchildren. All praise to God who loves us all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Dying Without Regrets<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If your relationship with your parent or your child is not what you wish it would be, take heart that it is never too late to make a change. In my family, as I suspect it probably was in most families of that era, the family revolved around my Mom. And I could write a huge tribute to her too, she was a great mother. Dad was part of the family, and he came to recitals and other things that involved the kids. He did interesting things. But I have to say that he was sort of peripheral to family life. He was there, but it was Mom to whom we would go. It wasn&#8217;t until Mom&#8217;s stroke in 1989 that I began to really appreciate Dad. He did double duty to care for Mom in the last year of her life. He did everything for her. He stepped up to it and did an outstanding job of standing by his wife in her time of need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When Mom died in September 1990, Dad suddenly came into the spotlight as a parent. And it is only in the last twenty years of his life that I came to really love him deeply, and care for him, and appreciate him. A very warm and loving relationship blossomed that I never expected. My three siblings have all said their experience was exactly the same as mine. We all feel the same way about Dad. So, you can&#8217;t undo the past, but you can change the future. All it takes is to make a decision and start now.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><a href=\"\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"226\" height=\"300\" src=\"\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait-226x300.jpg\" alt=\"Ray Pellowe\" class=\"wp-image-5103\" title=\"Ray Pellowe\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg?resize=226%2C300&amp;ssl=1 226w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg?w=628&amp;ssl=1 628w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 226px) 100vw, 226px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>Dr. Raymond Douglas Pellowe<br>July 22, 1922 &#8211; September 24, 2010<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Finally, here&#8217;s how Dad would like to be remembered&nbsp;&#8211; surrounded by his family!!!<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><a href=\"\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"241\" src=\"\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family-300x241.jpg\" alt=\"Pellowe Family\" class=\"wp-image-4000\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family.jpg?resize=300%2C241&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family.jpg?resize=1024%2C822&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family.jpg?w=1465&amp;ssl=1 1465w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/Pellowe-Family.jpg?w=1250&amp;ssl=1 1250w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">The Pellowe family at Dad&#8217;s house<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>I love you Dad!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"pps-series-post-details pps-series-post-details-variant-classic pps-series-post-details-38706 pps-series-meta-excerpt\" data-series-id=\"128\"><div class=\"pps-series-meta-content\"><div class=\"pps-series-meta-text\">This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/series\/dads-passing\/\">Dad&#039;s Passing<\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><p>I am completely at peace about Dad&#8217;s passing because of how satisfied he was with his life and the lives of his children. Here&#8217;s what you can do to prepare. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/john\/2010\/10\/01\/goodbye-dad-it-was-beautiful\/\" class=\"linkbutton\">More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5103,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ts_fic_featured_image_caption":"Ray Pellowe","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[222],"tags":[67],"series":[128],"class_list":["post-3969","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal","tag-values","series-dads-passing"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>&quot;Goodbye Dad, it was beautiful.&quot; - CCCC Blogs<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/john\/2010\/10\/01\/goodbye-dad-it-was-beautiful\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"&quot;Goodbye Dad, it was beautiful.&quot; - CCCC Blogs\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am completely at peace about Dad&#039;s passing because of how satisfied he was with his life and the lives of his children. 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Things change so quickly, and since my attention is on my dad,\u00a0I'll post\u00a0as I have time. However, here's a reflective thought\u00a0for leaders about what sustains us when at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Great Leadership&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Great Leadership","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/category\/healthy\/great-leadership-healthy\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Ray Pellowe","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg?fit=628%2C831&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg?fit=628%2C831&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Ray-Pellowe-portrait.jpg?fit=628%2C831&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":26986,"url":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/cccc\/2018\/01\/17\/call-to-prayer-a-thank-you-and-an-update\/","url_meta":{"origin":3969,"position":1},"title":"Call to Prayer: A Thank-You and An Update","author":"CCCC","date":"January 17, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"In November 2017, the Evangelical Evangelical Fellowship of Canada, the Canadian Council of Christian Charities, and Christian Legal Fellowship published a call to pray for the successful resolution of the Trinity Western University (TWU) case and for the future of religious freedom in Canada. 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The real question is, \"Why am I not listening when God is speaking?\" No friendship will\u00a0last long\u00a0if one party is always talking and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Christian&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Christian","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/category\/christian-ministry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Man praying","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/Prayer.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/Prayer.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/Prayer.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/Prayer.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/Prayer.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":28864,"url":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/cccc\/2020\/03\/26\/2020-03-26-day-of-prayer-fasting\/","url_meta":{"origin":3969,"position":3},"title":"COVID 19: Global Day of Prayer and Fasting","author":"CCCC","date":"March 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"To join click here. In times of uncertainty we can come together as brothers and sisters in Christ to lift up our voices in prayer. In an email of thankfulness (more on this in my next post!), one of our CCCC staff expressed gratitude that we have a God we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"COVID-19\"","block_context":{"text":"COVID-19","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/tag\/covid-19\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/20200324-covid-19-FINAL-7.jpg?fit=800%2C309&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/20200324-covid-19-FINAL-7.jpg?fit=800%2C309&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/20200324-covid-19-FINAL-7.jpg?fit=800%2C309&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/20200324-covid-19-FINAL-7.jpg?fit=800%2C309&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":26661,"url":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/intersection\/2017\/11\/23\/bruce-clemengers-video-message-on-twu-case\/","url_meta":{"origin":3969,"position":4},"title":"Bruce Clemenger&#8217;s Video Message on TWU Case","author":"cccc","date":"November 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Bruce Clemenger, President of the EFC, shares some history of the case and reasons that we're praying, ending with, \"Our strength is in the Lord. May we be faithful servants in all we say and do, and let's join together in prayer on\u00a0Sunday, November 26.\" Here is our blog post\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"law and religion\"","block_context":{"text":"law and religion","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/tag\/law-and-religion\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19287,"url":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/intersection\/2015\/08\/18\/religious-neutrality-of-the-state-yes-but\/","url_meta":{"origin":3969,"position":5},"title":"Religious Neutrality of the State \u2013 Yes, but\u2026","author":"cccc","date":"August 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The mayor of Saguenay, Quebec, and his council members were wrong to open their public meetings with prayer.\u00a0 That was the message of a recent Supreme Court of Canada decision.[i]\u00a0 The Court was unanimous in its holding that public officials could not favour one religion over another.\u00a0 The use of\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 7 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 7 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/intersection\/2015\/08\/18\/religious-neutrality-of-the-state-yes-but\/#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p30X8p-121","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3969","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3969"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3969\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5103"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3969"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3969"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3969"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cccc.org\/news_blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=3969"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}