I am not referring to money, but people!

Getting the right people to serve in your ministry is challenging enough. To lose them due to poor leadership attitudes and behaviours seems almost criminal in that light. Losing staff that way is a completely avoidable tragedy!

Appreciation’s Contribution to Success

Whether your staff and volunteers fulfill or don’t fulfill God’s purpose for them in their ministry roles is largely a matter of how much your team members feel they are appreciated, and that means it all comes down to your leadership!

Why is appreciation so important?

• Appreciation is critical to your mission success because it goes a long way towards creating a positive, encouraging environment in which people can flourish, be all that God intends them to be, and do all that God wants them to do for the success of your ministry’s mission. You never know in advance which staff member God might have given you for a spectacular contribution that may not ever be made because that person was unappreciated and not encouraged, and either quit or did just what they were told to do and no more.
• In addition to the emotional environment, appreciation provides excellent feedback and encouragement to the person regarding their hard and soft skills. It helps them be more successful by giving them understanding of what they are doing that contributes positively to someone else’s work, to the ministry’s success, and to their own career success.

In a Harvard Business Review article,¹ Tony Schwartz says that appreciation in the workplace is very important because:

• Everyone wants to feel they truly matter, and that their contribution is recognized.
• The highest driver of employee engagement is whether or not they feel their manager is interested in their well-being. Appreciation is one way to indicate that interest.
• Appreciation lifts people up, makes them feel safe and energizes them. These factors free them up to do their best work.

Your ministry’s best performance will come when its employees and volunteers feel truly appreciated by leadership. Appreciated people will flourish with leadership’s encouragement and support and will be high-performers. They will more likely get the job done than those who are not appreciated. So why would any leader not be generous with expressing their appreciation for others?

Why Some People Don’t Give Appreciation

Lack of appreciation can be due to a number of factors that can be related to one of four attitudes:

1. Transactional utilitarianism is a term I’ve coined to refer to the practice of objectifying people as units of production. Staff members are seen as the products of a commercial transaction; an exchange of time for money. In this scenario, there is not much need to express appreciation because the person has merely done what they contracted to do. The utilitarian perspective can see people as expendable and replaceable. So without commitment for the longer term, there isn’t much effort put into building a real relationship. Significant development opportunities might not be offered because the payback isn’t considered fast enough. With the focus solely on utility, there may be ever-increasing and demanding pressure for continuous productivity improvements. Workers have probably heard the leader say many times, “Great, you did what you were paid to do!” and nothing more.
2. Personal insecurities can cause leaders to be overly reliant on hierarchy, power, and authority, leading to leadership that can be demanding, coercive, and even abusive. These leaders tend to come down from mountaintops to dispense their vision and plans, and aren’t interested in what anyone else might suggest. They need to come up with all the answers themselves, and they see alternate possibilities raised by others as threats to their leadership. Insecure leaders may not be appreciative because they either don’t want to feel indebted to anyone or they are afraid of being seen as not able to do everything themselves. I’ve heard of one leader who told his staff, “I’m not paying you to think! I’m paying you to do what I tell you to do!”
3. Thoughtlessness is at the root of why some people won’t express appreciation to others. These leaders simply don’t care about the social graces or about the human need to be affirmed. They don’t even see the effort that has gone into a result. They don’t wonder about what it took to do something. And even if they did see something praiseworthy, the idea of expressing appreciation never occurs to them. If pressed, they might say, “Sure I appreciate you. You’re still on the payroll, aren’t you?”
4. Presumption diminishes feelings of gratitude and appreciation and replaces them with unilateral expectations. Some leaders just take people for granted. A volunteer who agreed to do one activity may be pressured to take on another. A staff member may be told to stay late without any consideration of their personal circumstances. There is no sense of negotiation. Phrases like, “Would you consider…” or “Is there any way you could…” just aren’t in their vocabulary. The expectation is that staff and volunteers will do whatever it takes to get the job done and that this is just part of what they signed up for.

In all these scenarios, people are valued for their capacity to produce, not for themselves. They are seen only as workers, not people. If recognition is given, it is only to use the person as a model for others to emulate.

Lack of Appreciation’s Consequences

The effect of not giving appreciation can be devastating.

For individuals, lack of appreciation:

• Lessens how hard people choose to work
• Lowers job satisfaction
• Robs the individual of feeling significant at work
• Prevents a person from enjoying their work life
• Causes people to become bitter and resentful over their treatment
• May result in people questioning their faith or losing passion for the ministry’s mission due to disillusionment with the behaviour of their not very Christ-like leaders

For the team, lack of appreciation:

• Creates a workplace culture devoid of positive traits as the team becomes bitter and resentful
• Work relationships deteriorate if the way leaders treat staff influences how staff treat each other

For organizations, lack of appreciation can result in:

• A bad reputation for leadership’s un-Christlike behaviour, losing support from donors and volunteers
• Loss of goodwill, if staff adopt leadership’s attitudes towards people outside the organization
• Increased workflow problems due to higher absenteeism and lower productivity
• Missed opportunities and lost potential because an organization can only flourish if its people are flourishing

For leaders, lack of appreciating others:

• Can cause them to suffer some serious negative consequences. For example, leaders often get the credit for the success of their organizations, as if they did it all by themselves. If leaders believe this and don’t appreciate others for what they contributed towards the success, pride will be their downfall.
• Leads to pride, which leads to hubris, feelings of invincibility, omnipotence, and omniscience. What could go wrong? Hmm.
• Leads also to self-aggrandizement. Who wants to work for someone who thinks they can do it all by themselves?
• Negates the role that God plays in your life. Moses recorded a clear warning from God about forgetting the role that God played in your success!²

For the leader’s own good, they need to give lots of appreciation. Doing so:

• reminds them that they are part of a team,
• keeps them humble as they acknowledge the help they received, and
• helps them see their team members as blessings from God.

Appreciation Has a High ROI

Long term success comes to organizations with staff who are creative, passionate, committed, and engaged. Money can’t buy these traits. Appreciation is what causes people to voluntarily offer these traits to those they work and volunteer for. Since it doesn’t cost a ministry anything much to appreciate their people, there is no reason not to do so. When appreciation isn’t given, the cost to the ministry, the team, the leader, and both the employees and volunteers is far too high to bear.

Key Idea: Appreciation is the way to go.

The post The High Cost of the Unappreciated appeared first on CCCC Blogs.

• If we see God as a harsh taskmaster, then we will likely be a harsh taskmaster.
• If we see God as a cosmic police officer watching to catch us doing wrong, then we will tend to be a police officer.
• If we believe in a compassionate God, then we can be expected to be compassionate.

Psalm 100:5

Psalm 100:5 is a beautiful description of God, which corrects faulty conceptions of who God is. It should form our primary image of the Lord God.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 100:5 (NIV)

What a great summary of God’s relationship with you and me! But as much as it speaks to God’s relationship with us, it also speaks to our relationship with our employees. Let’s unpack the verse.

The Covenant

The text uses God’s covenantal name Yahweh (translated as Lord), so right away we are reminded of God’s covenant with his people.

It’s crucial to understand that this covenant wasn’t negotiated by God with humanity; it was unilaterally crafted by God at his own initiative and on his own terms. And because God sent his Son to fulfill humanity’s obligations under the covenant, we don’t even have to do anything to get the benefits of the covenant, other than accept what Jesus did for us.

But far more important to us than the terms of the covenant is the love which motivated God to create a covenant in the first place. God’s love for humanity will last forever, and God will faithfully uphold his part of the covenant forever. What an amazing commitment God made to us for our benefit! But then it gets even better.

God’s Graciousness

The psalm describes God as good.

I like the way Thomas Cranmer translated the Hebrew word for good in the Book of Common Prayer. He wrote “The Lord is gracious.”

I heard someone say recently, “God’s grace would be easier for us all to receive if we believed we had earned it, but then it wouldn’t be grace!”

The truth is that God did not wait until we were worthy to receive his gift, but he gave it to us specifically because we did not deserve it and could do nothing to be deserving of it.

The God We Worship

Psalm 100, and many other verses throughout Scripture, tell us that the God we worship is the God who generously and sacrificially loves those who do not deserve to be loved at all. God made a covenant for relationship and invites all humanity to sign on to it with their admission paid for by God himself through the obedience of his Son.

This is the God we worship and this is the Person we want to become more like. Do we really believe God is gracious? Then we should be gracious. And here’s where the rubber hits the road from a leadership perspective.

Gracious Leadership

God took the initiative to love when we were still unlovely. All Christians should demonstrate generous and sacrificial love like this, even to those who do not deserve to be loved by us. As Christian leaders, this is particularly essential in our relationship with the staff and volunteers who work for us. If you want to be “Christ to your neighbour” (as Luther famously put it), be “Christ to your employees,” by being gracious towards them even when it’s challenging. Exemplary Christian leaders must do their best to love like Jesus does. Love your team members (and team members – love your leaders).

A gracious leader:

• still has to deal with tough issues, including employee performance issues, but they do what needs to be done from a spirit of love and compassion
• sets high standards while helping staff learn and grow to live up to them
• keeps the team’s welfare always in mind
• is humble and confident enough to allow team members to be in the spotlight
• cheers employees on
• is aware of their own limitations and knows when to defer to staff

Now go ahead, love your team!

The post Psalm 100: Gracious Leadership appeared first on CCCC Blogs.

I’m grateful for everyone who reads my posts, but since my primary audience is Canadian ministry leaders, all of the following points are from the perspective of a team leader.

Let’s take a look at why saying “Thank you” is good for you as a leader.

“Thank You” Helps Conquer Pride

Leaders often get the credit for the success of their organizations, and if you read stories about leaders, it often sounds like they did it all by themselves. If leaders actually believe this, well, pride is one of the temptations that can bring a leader down:

• Pride leads to hubris, feelings of invincibility, omnipotence, and omniscience. What could go wrong? Hmm.
• Pride leads to self-aggrandizement. Who wants to work for someone who thinks they can do it all by themselves?
• Pride negates the role that God plays in your life. But in response, God says: “You may say to yourself, ‘My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.”¹

Taking pride in your work, in the sense of satisfaction with a job well done, is quite okay. But pride beyond that is a danger to avoid. A great way to do that is to say “Thank you” sincerely and often to all the people who helped you get those great results.

Saying “Thank you”:

• is an admission that you didn’t do it all yourself
• recognizes that you are indebted to others who helped you out
• reminds you that you are part of a team and not ‘flying solo’

Saying “Thank you” keeps you humble and is a crucial part of leadership success.

“Thank You” Affirms the Recipient

A basic human longing is to feel needed and appreciated. We all like to contribute to the common good, and especially want to do good for those close to us, including the people we work with and for.

Every time you say “Thank you,” you are contributing to someone else’s self-esteem. “Thank you” tells people you notice and appreciate them. You are validating their knowledge, skill, and judgment all in one simple phrase. Your appreciation affirms who they are and their place in your workforce. I know staff will say “Thank you” to each other, and that is great for team spirit. But they need to hear it from “the organization” too. That’s what is special about a leader expressing thanks: it is both a personal and a corporate thanks.

Thanking staff members and volunteers is just good stewardship of the people whom God has placed under your leadership. I’m sure we both want them to flourish as the people God made them to be. “Thank you” is part of developing them, of building their confidence in what they are doing. You nurture your staff when you affirm everything you can. It will inspire them to expand their abilities and realize more of their potential.

One of the best rewards I could receive in Heaven is to hear Jesus say not just “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”, but also “Thank you for nurturing and tending my people whom I entrusted into your care.” Sure, I want to know that I personally lived up to Jesus’ expectations of me. But even more than that, I want to know that I helped others do so too.

And there’s another benefit that flows back to you from saying “Thank you.” Helping other people feel affirmed and valued actually contributes to your own self-esteem too! Don’t you feel good by making others feel good?

“Thank You” Encourages People

You never know what is really going on in someone’s life. They could be having a terrible day, or enduring a long term agony, and because they put on a brave face you have no idea. A simple “Thank you” can make their day and give them something positive to reflect on.

The best kind of “Thank you” for encouraging people is thanking them for something about them that has endured over the long term. In addition to thanking them for a specific task they performed, you can thank them for a quality such as thoughtfulness, willingness to help, courage, and so forth. These are personal traits, so you are really saying you value them not so much for what they do but for who they are.

Each month, CCCC sends an email to one-twelfth of our members, inviting them to submit prayer requests for our staff to pray for at our staff meetings. In the note, I thank them for the good work they are doing for the cause of Christ. A pastor recently wrote in response mentioning the ups and downs of ministry life that he experiences, and which wouldn’t necessarily be apparent to others:

Thank you for praying – there are times when ministry seems so easy, walking in the power of the Spirit seems so natural and everything seems right in the world….and then there are times when it just is hard, even just walking with God is a difficulty. But, praise God, there is power in prayer. Thanks for praying and for reminding us that you are praying; we are so blessed to have men and organizations like you to come alongside of us and allow God to use you. May God bless you for your part!

We were both encouraging each other! And I believe encouragement is a crucial contributor to building perseverance. I have sent a few notes to ministry leaders who I knew were in great distress, to thank them for their perseverance and to encourage and remind them that others are aware and are standing with them. These notes are always appreciated. They don’t have to be long to be effective. Someone did a shout out to me recently on Facebook and Twitter, and what an encouragement it was!

You May Be the Only One to Say “Thank You”

Sometimes we think of saying “Thank you” and then don’t, because we figure the person doesn’t need one more expression of thanks. But that’s a major assumption. They may be soldiering on because this is what they are called to do, but they are doing so without a lot of positive feedback. Everyone appreciates acknowledgement, and you may be the only person who gives it!

I was not aware that someone I knew had died until after the funeral. My jaw dropped when my parents told me later about what the man’s widow said to them at the visitation. Let me set the context and tell the story:

I sang for years in the Children’s choir at Timothy Eaton Memorial Church under the direction of Dr. David Ouchterlony. He was a demanding choirmaster and although I enjoyed singing in church every week, the twice weekly rehearsals were not always fun.

In 1985 I was listening to a symphony and thought about how much enjoyment music gave me and how my love of music came from my years with Dr. Ouchterlony.

He was an important man: Principal of the Royal Conservatory of Music Toronto, Executive Director of the Kiwanis Music Festival, host of a radio show on CFRB, and just generally famous. Would my one letter of thanks matter to him? I wrote it anyway and I got a short note back thanking me.

He died just 21 months later and his widow said that in his entire career of working with students and choir members, mine was the one and only “thank you” letter he ever received from any of them. She said he left my letter open on his desk where he could see it every single day! Never think a “Thank you” isn’t important! I can’t help thinking of Jesus and the ten men he healed of leprosy.

And little did I know that time was running out to say “Thank you” to “D.O”! Had I procrastinated, he would never have known of my feelings.

Paul writes that we are to “encourage one another and build each other up.”² “Thank you” and other words of encouragement can literally change people’s lives. Dustin Willis notes in his book Life in Community that his life was changed by only six simple words. Someone said to him, “I see God working in you.”³

Saying “Thank You” Blesses You

Every time I say “Thank you” to someone:

• it blesses me because it reminds me of some way that the other person has benefitted me.
• who is on my staff, I am reminded of what a great team I have, and I thank God for bringing these people to CCCC. I feel very blessed that I have something to thank them for.
• it reminds me of the many blessings God pours into my life each and every day – many of which might otherwise be unnoticed or taken for granted.
• I become a happier person as I notice the many good things I have to be thankful for.

I am a very blessed man, not because of what I have done for myself, but for what God and other people have done.

So,

The question for you to ask yourself is, “Who else can I encourage by thanking them?”

The post “Thank You” Is More than a Courtesy appeared first on CCCC Blogs.

Used with permission.

When and When Not to Speak Up

Sedler says Adam is a good example of someone who should have spoken up but didn’t. Read Genesis 3:6 carefully. He was right there the whole time and said absolutely nothing but “Yes, dear!”

Most of the book, though, is about the wisdom of silence and listening. However, when in conflict with a person in authority, Sedler says we first have to check our motives. If we want to create disunity, override someone’s opinion with our own, or prove our point, our motives are wrong and we should not speak up.

Check Your Motivation

Improper motivations are evident when someone just doesn’t accept an answer and persists in asking more questions. Complaining and challenging are two other indicators, as are debating or disputing, making accusations, and taking offence. These are all manifestations of a questioning attitude. The questions aren’t really the issue, there is a deeper problem with the person’s attitude towards those in authority.

A healthier way is to ask questions. It’s a pretty fine distinction, but Sedler means the right way is asking questions with a sincere desire to understand rather than asking questions to confront. Nicodemus asking Jesus about how a man can be born again is a prime example of someone truly engaged in productive questioning.

How to Ask Nicely

The author’s advice for asking questions is:

1. Prepare yourself by asking God to give you words so you’ll be understood. If you are overly emotional or frustrated, get some godly counsel as well.
2. Book an appointment and ask for the amount of time you think it should take. When everyone has time for the conversation, it will go much better. People can focus on the issue at hand and they don’t have to cut out in the middle to get to another appointment.
3. Get to the point quickly. Don’t leave the person wondering where the conversation is going.
4. Let the person know you recognize their authority. You are asking for clarification or background information. Don’t be inflammatory, just ask your questions simply and state your concern.
5. If you don’t understand the answer or see how it relates to your concerns, ask the person to go over it again or express it in a different way.
6. Don’t become defensive. Just explain your concern.
7. Don’t try to justify yourself or your position. One or two pieces of evidence as to why you see the issue differently are sufficient for the other person to understand you.
8. Thank the person for their time and ask if you can connect again if other questions arise. But don’t come back with the same questions.

My wife read the book too, and she loved it because she says it is so true to life!! Her key points are:

• Sedler nails how conversations really go.
• It’s intensely practical and written with great humility, using his own experiences as examples of what not to do.
• If you’ve had conversations that haven’t gone well and you’re not sure why, he explains it.
• He has practical tips for how to handle different types of difficult conversations well.
• It is very positive, easy to read and well written.
• The author is a Jew who was brought up really Jewish. His testimony of how he became a Christian is told in an appendix and it is very interesting.

“The book has been provided courtesy of Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available now at your favourite bookseller.”

The post Questioning Authority appeared first on CCCC Blogs.

“This book is a gift of gold for brand new board candidates. It’s a refining fire for those of us who are already committed.” – Jim Brown – author of The Imperfect Board Member.

This is not a book about governance. It is about how an individual can decide whether or not to accept a board nomination, and once elected, how they can best contribute to the board’s success. My goal is that directors will find their board service to be a rich, satisfying experience. The book is a very down-to-earth, richly illustrated, practical guide to:

• fulfilling your responsibilities,
• participating in great debates without losing friends,
• understanding how boards work, and
• leaving the board well.

The DVD version is perfect for board development/group learning. You can download as many workbooks as you want and the modules are 15-20 minutes in length. The book is intended for people who prefer to read rather than watch, or who want to have more reflection time than a DVD allows.

The book has everything that the DVD has in terms of content, but I’ve added to it. New topics include:

• Practical advice for discerning God’s call to a ministry board
• A more extended discussion of the special nuances of church boards
• The differences between business boards and charity boards
• How business people need to adjust their business criteria to help, rather than hinder, a charity board

I also thought that readers should benefit from more than just my own views, so I’ve obtained permission to include some of the writings of nine governance authors that touch on the topic of this book. They are:

• John Carver – Boards That Make A Difference
• Charles Olsen – Transforming Church Boards into Communities of Spiritual Leaders
• David Hester – From Building Effective Boards for Religious Organizations
• Max De Pree – Called to Serve: Creating and nurturing the effective volunteer board
• Malcolm Warford – from Building Effective Boards for Religious Organizations
• Les Stahlke – Governance Matters
• Jan Masaoka – From The Best of the Board Cafe: Hands-on solutions for nonprofit boards
• Ram Charan – Boards That Deliver
• Edgar Stoesz – Doing Good Even Better: How to be an effective board member of a nonprofit organization

And I was really blessed to have Jim Brown write the foreword.

At about 180 pages, it is a quick read that should help your board members work together better and avoid the many traps that create tension and strife in the boardroom. My prayer is that it will improve the governance of Christian churches and ministries.

The post Serving as a Board Member appeared first on CCCC Blogs.

When ministry leaders come and go in just a few years, I wonder how connected they were with other people. Could they have had greater longevity and success by being vulnerable and discussing these issues with someone else?

If you are finding leadership a lonely experience, here are some people who can keep you company.

Staff

You should be able to discuss almost any issue with your senior staff because they are your team and they are the ones who will execute whatever plans you approve. They are every bit as familiar with the ministry as you are and they share your vital interest in its success. Why not bring them into your confidence?

Just because the senior leader has the executive authority and bears all the responsibility for results (to the board), that doesn’t mean the person must be a lonely, solo leader. Two of my senior staff report directly to me and I trust both of them completely and value their judgment. Beyond them, there is a leadership team (and also staff who join us based on the topic of discussion). Why should I rely only on my own knowledge and experience when I have so much more available to me?

There are a couple of reasons why some leaders hold back from their staff:

• They may have a personnel issue or something that they don’t want to discuss with any staff. Okay, but as you’ll see below, there are still other people you can discuss things with.
• You many think that not having the answers will make you appear weak. You may be afraid of losing the staff’s confidence if you ask for their help. If so, I think you’ve bought into the ‘heroic leader’ myth. Business books and biographies almost always tell a story by focusing on one individual, as if their success was 100% from their own efforts and ideas. I can recall only one book written about an heroic team, The Wisdom Of Teams. That’s the exception. All the other books focus on a single person because we want a hero, and heroes are supposed to be able to overcome obstacles by themselves. But this is to put unrealistic expectations on yourself. Roger Patterson, co-author of Leading from the Second Chair, sent me the text for his second book (not yet published) called The Theology of the Second Chair and in it he makes an interesting point. Scripture shows that God appoints people to leadership, but these are all people with limitations well known to God. Think about Moses and his poor speech. God puts people around his leader who fill in for the leader’s shortcomings. The leader is strong in what God wants them to do, and the team does the rest.
• Finally, be wary of pride. For the sake of the ministry, accept the team’s wisdom. James presided over the Council of Jerusalem and allowed his team to thoroughly discuss the Gentile question (Acts 15) even though he alone made the final decision. Paul had his missionary team confirm the meaning of his Macedonian vision even though he knew what the dream meant. It was a way of testing his interpretation. So confide in your team.

Board

If you think you can’t talk to your staff, you can talk with your directors. I am blessed with a board that is supportive while at the same time holding me accountable. CCCC has a policy board, so my concerns are within my jurisdiction not theirs, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a ‘fireside chat’ with them. We both know that they will not tell me what to do and that I am solely responsible for any decision I make, but we have had hours of fruitful discussions that have benefitted me greatly. Just like my staff, they are dedicated to the success of the ministry, and because they hired me, they want me personally to be successful as CEO. Why should I not have the benefit of their wisdom and experience too?

However, you might not want to talk with your board because you may feel your job is in jeopardy if you ask for input or show that you struggle with some things. You certainly need to be a top performer, but it shouldn’t be a problem to seek counsel or to ask for prayer support. Unfortunately we at CCCC hear about many conflicts between board and staff. You can reduce board-staff conflict if you accept the board’s authority and if the board does good board orientation and development so directors know where the line is between board and staff. The board should also recruit people who subscribe to the values, ethos, and strategic statements already in place and who are in basic accord with the senior staff person. They don’t have to always agree with the leader, but they shouldn’t come on to a board already wanting to change basic elements of strategy or staffing.

Ministry Peers

I have developed relationships with ministry leaders across the country by simply visiting them in their offices, seeing them at events such as EFC’s Presidents Day, and otherwise being open to any opportunity to say “Hi” to them. You may not have access to leaders across the country, but there is no reason why you shouldn’t know the ministry leaders in your area. Pick up the phone, call someone and ask to have lunch with them, or ask to come and see their ministry. You may have to juggle schedules, but sooner or later you can make a new friend who could be very helpful.

When I wanted advice on change management I called four leaders of ministries that had been through successful change, and all of them were willing to talk about their experiences and the lessons they learned. While visiting some leaders out West a few weeks ago, conversation drifted around to a leadership topic that I’ve been wrestling with for a while and these leaders just opened up and shared their own experiences with that issue. Leaders are willing to talk and help each other if you are willing to be vulnerable and share the issues that you are dealing with.

Sometimes you need someone else to see something that you can’t. Moses had his Jethro who could see the quagmire that Moses had fallen into. Wouldn’t it have been better for Moses if he had found out earlier about the problem and fixed it sooner? He could have asked someone, maybe even Jethro, “Here’s my plan to lead the people of Israel.  Do you see any potential problems with it?”

The only thing that might hold you back from talking with your peers is pride. Everyone wants to look successful at what they do, but the most meaningful and helpful conversations come about when the masks come off and people are real with each other. It deepens your relationship from the relatively superficial “Hi, how are you?” stage to the much deeper level of feeling you really know the other person.

Your Spouse

I am richly blessed with a spouse who also has a business degree, is an accountant, and who has chaired some boards. She understands leadership, strategy and all the other issues I deal with. She is an invaluable support to me and offers great perspectives. But even without her background, she would still be a tremendous support because:

• as my spouse, she is 100% committed to my success because both of us are bound together  in marriage, so my welfare is her welfare and she wants the best for me. In this spirit, your spouse is not afraid to ask the tough questions, and will provide a clear-headed perspective.
• she doesn’t have to know business or governance to ask the right questions. “Have you prayed about this?” is one of those perennial favourites of hers!!! Your spouse doesn’t need to have the answers, just the right probing questions to stimulate your thinking.

God

I’ve left God to last not because he is the least important but to end on the note that you must be talking with God because the ministry you lead is his, not yours. This reminds me of a video that we show in the Stewardship I course—God’s Pie. A person divvies up a pie with pieces for people representing his house, his cars, etc., but gives God nothing. As he eats his own piece of pie while God watches, with an empty plate, the guy representing his German car says, “Dude!  He brrrrought ze pie!”

Well, “dude,” the ministry you lead is his, so consult with him about what you should do with it. The key to Christian leadership is to recognize that you are a follower before you are a leader. If you find yourself talking about leadership and then admitting as an afterthought that, “Well, of course, the Bible says that God is the ultimate leader of this ministry,” then God’s leadership looks pretty perfunctory. His leadership needs to be fresh and vital every day. If you only know the idea of God’s leadership rather than the experience of God’s leadership, I suggest you check out the spiritual disciplines and practices that are at the core of being led by God. Take a spiritual formation course at a seminary or Bible college or pick up a good book such as Space for God: The Study and Practice of Spirituality and Prayer or Listening Prayer: Learning to Hear God’s Voice and Keep a Prayer Journal. While you should go to God first, he is also the final resort after all human wisdom and advice has failed.

Conclusion

I hope you see by now that there are a lot of people around who could support you in ministry. There is no reason to feel lonely and unable to talk to anyone. Take the initiative and go see someone right away. And if you have anything to contribute to this discussion, I’d love to hear from you.

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Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble
when you’re perfect in every way.
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
‘cos I get better looking each day.

To know me is to love me
I must be a heck of a man.
O Lord it’s hard to be humble
but I’m doing the best that I can.

God kept me humble today in a very funny way, and as I thought about humbleness this equally funny song came to mind.

The Set-Up

Here’s the set-up. I met a man and his wife a few weeks ago. I did not know them. He says he’s known of me for some years, and it is now time that we met. He invites me to come to his office in the heart of the financial district of Toronto. I discover later that he and his wife have a thriving financial business, support a number of Christian ministries, and are very highly thought of by people whose opinions I greatly respect. So I want to make a good impression and live up to the good image he has of me.

Fast forward to today.

This rube from Elmira ventures into the centre of financial power in Canada.

I go to his office. It is very high up and very elegant. Nice plush chairs, lots of wood, subdued lighting. You get the picture, not ostentatious but pleasant. As I walk into the meeting room, I go to get a pen out of my pocket and realize it is in two pieces. I try to screw them back together in my pocket, but can’t get the pieces together. So I forget about it.

He sat across the narrow table from me.

Blissful Unawareness of Impending Doom

He said some very wise things, and I went into my thinker’s pose, cradling my face in my left hand – resting my chin on my thumb with my forefinger on my cheekbone and my middle finger curled under my lip.

I had an itch under my nose. Surreptitiously I rub my upper lip with the side of my finger.

He asks me a great question, and I take up my pondering pose, with my forefinger and thumb on my chin.

I touched my face a few more times for various and sundry reasons.

His wife comes in to greet me, chats for a few minutes and then leaves.

The meeting is over, he walks me out into the brightly-lit hallway and thanks me for coming.

I go to the washroom.  As I prepare to wash my hands, I look up in the mirror and…

The Awful Discovery

HORROR OF HORRORS!!!

I have ink all over my face!

Yes, I hadn’t noticed until now when I turn my left hand over that my fingers and palm have ink all over them.

When I did my thinker’s pose, I got a bruise on my cheek and the beginnings of a chinstrap beard.

When I scratched the itch, I drew a moustache on my face!

When I did my pondering pose, I got a Van Dyke beard.

And this very gracious, classy husband and wife said nothing! Either they hid their amusement or, in the low lighting, they didn’t notice what was happening. But the husband did walk with me out to the brightly lit corridor.

It sounds like a Candid Camera skit – how does an innocent bystander respond when a person unwittingly defaces their own face?

The Recovery

At this point, I could be mortified, give up on life, crawl away and never show my face again (marked or unmarked!), living the rest of my life in humiliation, letting this moment be the defining point in my now miserable and squandered life. Or, I could choose differently! I could choose to see the humour in the moment, laugh at myself, and make hay with a terrific story that now goes into my speaking repertoire to entertain and delight thousands over the next 30 years, go on and live a happy life full of laughter and accomplishment, forever being flooded with healthy endorphins when someone points at me and says, “Hey, aren’t you the guy who inked his face?” Everybody needs to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves more seriously than they ought (Romans 12:3).

As for me, I say “Oh Lord, it’s far too easy to be humbled!”

So I’ve told a story on myself. Now it is your turn! What is the funniest thing you’ve ever done to embarrass yourself? Maybe you couldn’t laugh at it then, but we can certainly laugh at it now. And I hope that in hindsight, you can too.

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When a leader requires without relating, the leader is seen as autocratic, demanding, hard-nosed and a bunch of other not-so-nice attributes. When a leader relates without requiring, not much happens, but everyone has a really good time as the ship goes down.

I suspect that some leaders feel the tension between requiring and relating and struggle with doing both. Some leaders may have difficulty with the relating part, believing that if things get mushy and touchy-feely the organization will fall to pieces. And other leaders may not have the intestinal fortitude and confidence to insist on performance, so they avoid confronting poor performance in a misguided attempt to be nice.

Two Tips

This leader made two points about R&R that should help you lead with both strategies.

1. Don’t settle for an either/or approach to the two Rs. The concept of requiring and relating, of demanding performance while at the same time showing care and compassion, is thoroughly biblical. John 1:14 says that Jesus came “full of grace and truth.” Randy Alcorn, in The Grace and Truth Paradox: Responding with Christlike Balance, shows how Jesus demonstrated grace towards other people while at the same time not compromising the truth at all. He welcomed the woman caught in adultery, but also said, “Go and sin no more.” Grace is like relating, and truth is like requiring. Jesus showed how grace and truth work together seamlessly to produce his desired result: they drive people to a decision point—will they, or will they not, live for God? Requiring and relating can likewise co-exist in your leadership style to produce your desired results—accomplishment of your ministry’s mission. So don’t be squeamish about insisting on performance, and don’t be shy about building strong relationships with your staff.
2. Requiring performance by clearly setting out the expected activities and results is simply good stewardship. I thought this was a brilliant insight, connecting performance with stewardship. After all, if you had a program that did not perform well, you’d either cancel it or redesign it to perform better. You wouldn’t knowingly continue a program that was inefficient or ineffective, would you? Of course not. So why would you knowingly put up with inefficient or ineffective performance? Both programs and salaries are funded by donors who expect you to make good use of their hard-earned donations. And as a leader in ministry, you are accountable to God for good stewardship of everything entrusted to you.

Employee Responsibility

But employees are accountable for good stewardship too. Any paid worker in Christian ministry has two kinds of stewardship to think about with respect to their incomes:

• First, in their personal capacities, they are to be good stewards of the cash they receive. That is the normal way to think about stewardship.
• But second, in their work capacities, they are to be good stewards of the time they traded for their income. I don’t often hear people talk about stewardship of their work time. Most often when stewardship of time is discussed, it is in the context of volunteer service. But every person should think about how they are using their work time and ask the question, “Am I right now being a good steward of the time I have sold to my employer?”

And if leadership needs to help some people become better stewards of their work time, then that too is good stewardship on the leader’s part. If we don’t address performance issues in order to be nice, well, just hear what Randy Alcorn has to say about that! According to him, we’ve redefined Christlike to mean “nice” and with that definition, Jesus himself wasn’t always Christlike, because he confronted people with their sin. Requiring that work standards be met may not always be seen as nice, but done well it is good stewardship.

A Helpful Biblical Model

In Shepherds After My Own Heart: Pastoral Traditions And Leadership In The Bible, Tim Laniak discusses the protection, provision and guidance that the Lord gave to Israel while he led them through the wilderness. These three words are a pretty good description of leadership responsibilities, but it is the word guidance that I think is most closely related to the R&R style of leadership. There are three Hebrew verbs used in the Bible that are translated ‘to guide.” The three nuances Tim gives these words are:

1. gentle leading (which is shown in several verses as the Lord carrying Israel in his arms, or leading the nursing ewes of his flock);
2. leading, even against the will of those being led; and
3. capable, visionary leadership guiding a group toward its destiny.

Perhaps the best way to encapsulate what is meant by Require and Relate is that leaders should provide gentle leadership guiding people towards their common destiny, even when some prodding is required.

By the way, on a completely different topic, Alcorn’s book has a statement that just leapt off the page at me. As a bonus thought, here it is:

“Most sinners loved being around Jesus. They enjoyed His company, sought Him out, invited Him to their homes and parties. Today most sinners don’t want to be around Christians. Unbelievers tore off the roof to get to Jesus. Sometimes they crawl out the windows to get away from us! Why is that?”

Alcorn asks a great question that we all should carefully consider.

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First Impressions Are Really Important

First impressions are especially important because they form lasting impressions and can affect whether you will even have a relationship or not. And if you do start a relationship, they will determine whether you get off to a good start or a rocky start. You can overcome a rocky first impression, but it is difficult and takes time. No one wants to shoot themselves in the foot at their first encounter, yet so many of us do by the way we present ourselves to other people. Two PhD’s have done extensive research to analyze what goes on in that critical first meeting. Their advice applies not only to first impressions, but to every continuing relationship you have. They wrote about their findings and recommendations in First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You.

You can get the key points of their book free from their website. (The authors reproduced certain pages from their book for people who don’t like to mark up their books.) The book is easy to read, filled with case histories and references to studies that prove the points they are making. It provides great suggestions for what to do to make a great first impression. The authors say there is no one right way to make a good impression and they are not trying to mould you into a specific personality. What counts, they say, is that the impression you make reflects who you really are. When you present the best of who you are, you are making the right impression for you.

Do We See Ourselves as They See Us?

However, we often do things that we think will make a good impression when in fact others see what we are doing in a very negative light. For instance, you might think that by asking the other person lots of questions you appear interested in them, but they will likely perceive you as private and controlling because you are revealing nothing about yourself and you are unilaterally directing the conversation.

I’m sure everyone will find something they can do to improve their first impressions. I found several. For example, years ago I read that looking into a person’s eyes is too personal, too intense, because they are the “window to the soul.” The advice was to briefly look a person in the eyes and then look somewhere else on or near their face. In this book, they say that making such little eye contact (which you may think is normal and respectful) will make you appear to others as rejecting, uninterested, shy, and awkward (ouch!!).

Focus on the Other Person, Not Yourself

The book opens with a review of the psychology of first impressions. If you are like the average person, the authors say that you are usually concerned with how you feel about yourself, how you feel about the other person and how the other person feels about you. However, your primary concern should be how the other person feels about him or herself as a result of having met you. The authors also discuss the four “social gifts” that should be something you give to the other person in your first contact.

The bulk of the book is a description of the Seven Fundamentals of a First Impression. This begins with how accessible you appear to be and progresses through showing interest in the other person, the appropriate subject matter for your conversations, the degree of self-disclosure that suits the occasion, your perspective on things and so on. The last few chapters will help you apply their recommendations.

After reading the book, I was standing in line at Tim Horton’s in the suburbs of Elmira (that means, the industrial section on the way into town) and I listened to the conversations going on around me, and it was really neat to be able to identify some people who were doing really well and some who should read the book.

Elmira, ON

Elmira, for those who don’t know, is a town of 12,000 people with a rich Old Order Mennonite heritage and is known across Canada as the national headquarters of the Canadian Centre for Christian Charities. Okay, I have dreams of grandeur. Elmira is the location of our one and only office! But Elmira is also the place where Malcolm Gladwell grew up. He’s the author of The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking and Outliers: The Story of Success.

Here’s a photo of the view from my old office window (in November 2008 we moved down the street to the building at the top right of the photo that has a white stripe near its roof).

Yes, we still hear the clip-clop of horses! Another touch point with days gone by.

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A Most Unlikely Team

Doris Goodwin, a Pulitzer prize winner, wrote Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln to show how Lincoln assembled a team of long time rivals to make the Cabinet that would get the country through the Civil War. Not only were the teammates rivals of each other, but they were also all Lincoln’s rivals too! I’ve since read that Barak Obama loves this book and it is clear in his choice of cabinet members that he is following Lincoln’s strategy pretty closely.

I’m not sure if Lincoln’s team-building strategy is necessarily the best one to use because there is debate about its success.  However, what every leader should consider emulating is Lincoln’s gracious approach to dealing with people, a leadership style that helped him recruit whoever was best able to help him accomplish his goals. I’ll give some examples below.

Since Goodwin researched not only Lincoln’s papers but also those of his rivals, she can tell you what Lincoln was thinking, and what the others were thinking at the same time. You will appreciate Lincoln’s leadership wisdom all the more as you see how he overcame the different personal agendas and got his team focused on the good of the nation.

The book is about more than just leadership.  It is a fascinating history of the Civil War. I did not know that some slave-owning states stayed in the Union and fought for the North. I also didn’t know that the war wasn’t about slavery until it was halfway over. And Lincoln’s assassination was just one of three coordinated assassination attempts planned for that night. The Vice President’s assassin chickened out at the last moment, but the Secretary of State was very seriously wounded and nearly died.

Goodwin’s book is also a political thriller as you follow the backroom negotiations that took place as the Republican party was cobbled together from many different parties including the Whigs (Lincoln’s original party) and the incredibly named Know-Nothing Party.

Leadership Lessons from Lincoln

But most of all, A Team of Rivals is a leadership book. Rather than a how-to book, Goodwin tells the story of Lincoln’s life and allows the reader to draw out the leadership lessons. I’d like to share some of the lessons because they are profound, they should inspire you to a higher level of leadership, and I hope to entice you to read the book yourself.

• Lincoln led by principle and kept his major goal as the only goal. Time and again complex decisions were easily made as he stayed with basic principles. In 1855 he needed 51 votes in the Illinois legislature to become a senator. After 9 ballots, Lincoln had 47 votes and knew that was all he could get. The Democrats wanted to compromise on slavery, so Lincoln gave his 47 votes to a candidate who only had only 5 votes but who shared Lincoln’s slavery position. Lincoln’s generosity gained him a friend who would later be a help to him.
• Lincoln was so impressed by the skills of a lawyer who humiliated him in a court case that a few years later Lincoln made him Secretary of War. Lincoln knew this man had the ability to do what was needed. Lincoln’s philosophy was “No man resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention.”
• Lincoln made others feel powerful and valued. Frederick Douglass said, “Perhaps you may like to know how the President of the United States received a black man at the White House. I will tell you how he received me — just as you have seen one gentleman receive another. I tell you I felt big there!”
• Lincoln never put others down, but always offered a way to save face. While Lincoln was patient, he insisted on performance and moved people out of their positions, but always giving them a way to exit gracefully. He took quick, direct action only to protect the presidential authority when people overstepped and made decisions that were the president’s alone to make.
• Lincoln did nothing “off the cuff.” He was a masterful strategist who made sure he understood public opinion and the deeper trends that affected society. He knew how far he could push the public at any one time and was willing to take a step at a time and wait for public opinion to catch up. He carefully researched the issues and tested his speeches until he had the most persuasive speech possible. (The story of the Gettysburg Address being written on an envelope on the way to the speech is just that – a story.) Lincoln spoke from the heart with conviction and told compelling stories that people could easily relate to. His goal was always to persuade people to adopt his goals.
• Lincoln valued healthy debate, so he always picked the best people, whether or not they were his supporters. He made his own decisions, but only after hearing all the views.
• Lincoln had such a profound sense of self-assurance that he could withstand an endless barrage of criticism. He frequently forgave people, even his own Cabinet members.
• Finally, Lincoln was acutely aware of his own emotional needs and made sure they were met. He relaxed with people, told jokes, attended the theatre, read poetry and went to the frontlines several times because visiting the troops always revived his spirit. In spite of the crushing burden of the war, Lincoln found ways to keep himself fresh and in good spirits.

One change that would improve the book is to have a ‘cast list’ in an appendix with some high level descriptions of each person. The cast of characters is large enough, and the information about them is detailed enough, that it is hard to keep them all sorted out.

Goodwin’s thesis would have been strengthened if she had dealt with the issues and examples raised by those who do not think Lincoln’s Cabinet was a strong team. The way the book is written, it sounds like an interesting idea (picking rivals for your team) but not a proven idea. Readers will feel they are on solid ground when it comes to Lincoln’s example of interpersonal relations, but that they are on shakier ground when it comes to assembling your own team of rivals. We know the value of having multiple viewpoints at the table, but has this idea of a team of rivals been replicated successfully? Goodwin doesn’t say. Perhaps Obama’s Cabinet will be the test.

Happy reading, and let me know what you think of this book.

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